


Because I'm an idiot

by quenoves



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Confession, Echo plays minor role, F/M, Madi and raven talk a little, finale speculation, just pals being angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 19:10:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19979083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quenoves/pseuds/quenoves
Summary: That was supposed to be the end of it.With Sanctum evacuated, all of the chips destroyed (and the technology used to make them, thanks to Raven), Madi free from the flame, and the Primes dead, Bellamy expected to breathe a little easier, at least for that night.The first seizure happened right as Clarke met him at the shield.





	Because I'm an idiot

**Author's Note:**

> contains minor spoilers about where the plot is going after 6x11

That was supposed to be the end of it.

With Sanctum evacuated, all of the chips destroyed (and the technology used to make them, thanks to Raven), Madi free from the flame, and the Primes dead, Bellamy expected to breathe a little easier, at least for that night.

The first seizure happened right as Clarke met him at the shield.

* * *

_"Clarke!"_

_Their emotional reunion turned into panic. Before Clarke can run into Bellamy's arms, before Bellamy can even take her in fully and relish in their victory, she drops to the floor, seizing violently. He rushes over, gut wrenched at the familiarity of the situation. Not again, he thinks._

_"Bellamy."_

_Bellamy doesn't respond to the voice behind him. Nothing is more important to him than her right now._

_"Bellamy, she just went through brain surgery and overexerted herself, as long as they don't last longer than a few minutes there's nothing to worry about. Five max."_

_That sounds important. He looks up towards Gabriel and blinks before looking back down at the blonde. Bellamy holds her on her side and soothes her while counting down the seconds in this head._

_Twenty-one... twenty-two... twen—._

_When her shaking stops, Bellamy's heart starts beating again_

_"You really need to stop scaring me like that."_

* * *

Clarke wishes she could have kept that promise to him. It's around three in the morning, the time Clarke usually darts awake from her nightmares, so it doesn't surprise her to find that she's in the same situation that night. Her nightmare, this time, was being locked up in her mind space again. Sweat already drenches her body even though she's only been in bed for a few hours. The soft snores that fill the room bring her back to the present. As suggested by Gabriel, although he didn't need much convincing, Bellamy was to watch over Clarke that night in case she seized more. She sees his slumped body in the chair by her bed and the weight of the last few days tugs at her heartstrings once more.

**_"Clarke, I need you."_ **

**_"I'm not letting you go."_ **

Even though it had just happened, the memory was too surreal for Clarke not to obsess over. Never had someone expressed that much devotion, that much love to her.

_What does it mean? No, don't start that._

Clarke shakes her thoughts and moves to gets up from her bed, suddenly parched. She tiptoes to the other end of the room as quietly as she can to put on her shoes. Her head starts to feel fuzzy, but she ignores it, blowing it off as some vertigo from getting up too fast. She turns and heads back to the door, silently again. Right as she grabs for the doorknob, her grip slips, and she stumbles back before falling to the hard floor. The thud jolts Bellamy awake. He almost trips from the chair but does succeed in knocking it over as he slides across the floor to hold her up on her side.

"Clarke!"

He's heaving and counting and pleading,

"Clarke why didn't you wake me up! God, you're so stubborn."

_Thirty... forty-five...seventy..._

"No.. no—no—no—no—"

_Three minutes... four minutes..._

"Someone help me! It’s not stopping"

Bellamy's screams fill the halls. He's sure someone has to hear him. Octavia bursts through the door. She doesn't need any explanation.

"I'll go get Gabriel!"

She leaves before she gets a response and Bellamy focuses back on Clarke. Seven minutes pass before he feels her shaking slowing down.

"Shh," He whispers, "It's okay, I've got you."

He wipes the foam from around her mouth and ignores the footsteps he hears come into the room.

"Bellamy, what's wrong?" He thinks it's Echo but doesn't look up to see. He hears more commotion and finally looks up to see Gabriel and Octavia come through the door.

"How long?"

Gabriel crouches down by them.

"Almost eight minutes."

A grim and heavy look crosses the man’s face and he stands back up again. He paces the room, only tensing the situation even further.

"What does it mean?" Bellamy grows impatient and whines out gruffly to Gabriel.

"It means my brain is still deteriorating."

Clarke speaks up when she doesn’t hear a response. The air in the room becomes stone cold. Gabriel stops pacing and looks to the ground glumly, Clarke's realization confirming what he feared. Clarke and Bellamy look at each other now. He cradles her in his lap and handles her head like he’s afraid that if she touches the floor she'll shatter to pieces.

"What do you mean?" his wide-eyed and frenzied eyes well up at her.

Clarke doesn’t know what to say to him. She didn’t want this to happen. She thinks about what it means. It could take days but eventually, she would just seize and die, or she would forget everyone and everything and then seize and die. She would not remember her friends, her mother, Madi…

"I don’t want to forget you." It hits her right as she blurts it out.

Bellamy reaches for her hand and buries his head into her neck to find some sort of balance, some sense of comfort. This has to be some kind of nightmare he hasn’t woken up from. Echo gulps at the intimacy of the moment.

"So how do we fix it?"

She asks Gabriel to try to be helpful, to insert herself back into the room again.

"We can't." Gabriel says it too bluntly.

Shards of glass pierce through Bellamy and he breaks. He lifts his head and lands a fist on the ground by Clarke and screams.

"What do you mean we can't? Don’t say that! There has to be something we can do!"

"Bellamy, it's okay." Clarke reaches up and clasps Bellamy’s face to sooth circles into his cheeks with her thumbs.

"No, it's not. No— no it's not." He's shaking his head and whimpering in disbelief.

In the background, Octavia stares at her brother in pain. Her hands are over her mouth to cover her sobs because she wants to be strong him, but the situation is all too familiar, the stakes are too high as they always are. She lifts her right arm to wipe tears from her eyes and that's when an idea strikes her. She lets her arms fall and clears her throat.

"The anomaly." All eyes turn to her waiting for her to continue.

"The anomaly can heal her like it healed me."

Gabriel shakes his head.

"The anomaly called to you, though."

"Well, we have to at least try something."

Bellamy doesn't need any more explanation. He stands up still carrying Clarke and rushes past everyone out the door. On cue, Octavia and Gabriel follow him out. Echo stays behind with disbelief washing over her before rushing out and catching up to them. They are already outside of their building. The cool night air chills their bones, but the stench from the left-over ash from the bomb still penetrates the air. She runs past Octavia and Gabriel to match pace with Bellamy.

"What are you doing?"

Bellamy turns to face her. "I'm saving Clarke."

"And what if you get sucked in?"

"Then I get sucked in."

He says it with such a determination that Echo stops and lets them all run past her. She watches as Bellamy leaves into the forest without saying goodbye, without reassuring her, and Echo finally accepts what was always obvious to her. Clarke will always be Bellamy Blakes top priority. She turns around as she feels a crowd of people gather behind her. Raven steps up first.

“What’s going on?”

Echo turns back to the forest.

“Clarke’s brain is deteriorating.”

“And where is she now?”

The voice comes from someone else. Madi moves up close to Echo, waiting for her response.

“Bellamy took her to the anomaly.” _And he left me behind._

“Everyone, back to bed.”

There was nothing else left for any of them to do.

Bellamy's injured leg stings as he runs through the trees, knocking past branches and tripping over rocks. He only keeps going because adrenaline pumps through his veins and his overused dreadful mantra echoes in his head.

_Save Clarke. Keep Clarke alive._

It's a sick and cruel joke that the universe plays on him. Everything seems fine, and then Clarke is in danger, and his world crashes down. Clarke's eyes are closed as her consciousness phases. Her body thumps against Bellamy's chest with every step he takes which helps her stay semi-awake. The pounding in her head grows louder by the second. Green lights start to sneak between her eyelids, and she speaks out.

"Bellamy! Bellamy, wait!"

Her eyes are wide open now. Bellamy stops in front of the anomaly, inches away from saving her. Octavia and Gabriel make it seconds after but stay behind, giving them privacy.

"What? what's wrong Clarke?"

His urgency washes over him.

"Bellamy please let me go in alone."

It doesn't register to him at first. Why is she doing this right now?

"What? No."

"Bellamy, you might not come back."

" ** _You_** might not come back."

Clarke’s mouth opens and then closes again, knowing there’s nothing else she can say or do to convince him otherwise. Unless…

“You called me every day for six years, and you left me to die in the fighting pits.”

_She has to say it now._

“You owe me letting me save you one more time.”

He says it like it’s a joke, but she knows he means it. She knows he deserves an explanation. She knows its inconsistent. At some point, her “caring” for him stopped being the excuse. 

_She has to say it now._

“Because I’m an idiot.”

His eyebrows furrow, questioning her but wanting her to go on.

“I left you because I’m an idiot, and it’s my biggest regret, and I’m sorry. But I called you for six years because I love you.”

His eyes go wide and his breath hitches. His hold on her becomes tighter now, fingers digging into her side.  
  
“So please… let me protect you and stay here. For me.”

Clarke has dreaded this moment for a long time, she realizes. All those excuses she made, all those distractions she faced, they dawn over her as she lets out the one thing that’s been eating at her for years. She thinks about what this means for them. If he hates her for it like she fears, at least he’ll be safe. If she stays, she’ll die. If she stays, Madi loses her mother anyway, so she has to at least go into the anomaly and try. But he can’t come in with her, it’s not worth the risk. It’s logical to her.

“Not a chance.”

He interrupts her thoughts. His face is hard but full of emotion. Little does Clarke know that his heart is thumping out of his chest, that he’s keeping his weak knees from jerking to the ground, that his mind is spinning at a hundred miles an hour.

_I love you too. Of course, I do. I know that now. It just makes sense. I love you more than anyone. I want to be with you. I want to love you for the rest of my life. You’re my heart and my head. You’re my world. You’re my Eden._

But there’s no time to say all of that now.

“We do this together. Like we always do. I’ll show you I love you now and I’ll tell you I do when we come back, so hold on to that."

His words make her even dizzier than she already was, but before she can protest, he nods goodbye to Octavia and Gabriel and runs into the anomaly.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> tell me ur finale theories @starfuegos on twitter. the clown in me came out in this one I know. the quote I used is the yet to be used Bellamy quote from the season 6 trailer.


End file.
